Three Tips for Handling Money in Marriage

I listened to an episode of one of my favorite podcasts this morning that truly resonated with me regarding handling money in marriage, and I want to share with you guys. If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen my tweet about it already.

The Redefining Wealth Podcast is hosted by Patrice Washington and explores the six pillars of a wealthy life. I always come away from her podcast feeling enlightened and inspired.

Today’s episode featured Talaat and Tai McNeely of His and Her Money.

Guys, this is such a loving and committed couple. Their podcast is one of the tools keeping me motivated on our debt payoff journey. You should definitely check them out.

On the show, Talaat and Tai share their story of overcoming debt and financial infidelity in their relationship.

I encourage you to listen to the full podcast, but I wanted to pull out a few especially good nuggets about handling money in marriage here.

“You can’t make someone be better with money, but you can lead by example.”

Often in relationships we focus on changing the other person to fit our ideals. We have to remember that we can’t control another adult. We can only control ourselves.

This is especially true in our financial lives. We can’t force our spouse to handle money the way we do, but we can model the money habits and behaviors we believe are right and encourage our spouse when he or she emulates those habits and behaviors.

Talaat said that he never thought he was good with money, but Tai’s encouragement and belief in him made him believe in himself. Now Tai says Talaat is better with money than she is!

This is a good reminder that building our spouses up, rather than nagging and tearing them down, can lead to our desired results and strengthen our relationships.

“Any time you’re being secretive with any aspect of your finances, that’s financial infidelity.”

We usually think about financial infidelity in terms of the big things, like opening an account on the side or running up a bunch of debt without telling your partner.

It doesn’t have to be such a major issue, though.

Even smaller actions or omissions can amount to infidelity. Are you sneaking new purchases into the house so your spouse doesn’t notice? Are you being less than truthful about how much something cost?

These seemingly little things are just as bad as the big things.

Marriages are built on trust, and when you’re not forthcoming with your spouse, you can’t maintain that trust.

Something to keep in mind next time you make a purchase.

“If you’re coming into your marriage quoting statistics about marriages ending, maybe you’re not ready to get married.”

I LOVED this line. Here, Talaat was talking about people having accounts that their spouses know nothing about “just in case.”

Ladies often hear that we should have a little money on the side for a rainy day. (Not to be confused with your rainy day emergency fund, of course.) That advice stems from a fear that the marriage won’t work out.

Talaat made a HUGE point that if you’re coming into your marriage already thinking about the end, you may not be ready to get married. I couldn’t agree more.

Have you ever heard that you attract what you pay attention to?

If you’re thinking about your marriage failing from the start, you’re probably not focusing on putting in the work to make your marriage succeed.

How can you be a good husband or wife when you’ve got one financial foot out the door “just in case”?

Go all in and bet on your relationship. If you do, you’ll probably find that you don’t need that “just in case” money.

These are just a few of the great tips from the interview. I encourage you to listen to the full podcast when you have a minute. So much great wisdom in there.

What do you think of Talaat and Tai’s advice? What other tips do you have for handling money in marriage?